Chili Today, Sick Tomorrow. -- Hot Habanero Chili

Okay, so I love chili. And I've been known to eat Campbell's Soup Chunky Firehouse Chili when hard pressed. So when I saw Brookdale Hot Habanero Chili for a mere $1.19 I was kind of excited. Kind of. I was also kind of scared 'cause, well it's meat in a can. It turns out I was right to be afraid. Be very afraid.

Can of red.

From the outset I was concerned. The can looks a lot like a can of dog food. I mean seriously, it's 2012, where's the pull top lid ALDI? I got to go dig out my can opener for this? Fine, let's pretend it's the Civil War times and not the age of easy open tops, Scarlett. Once I cut the lid off, I was greeted with a slightly off putting smell. It was oddly sweet and rank at the same time. I tossed it in a pan on medium heat. After it sat heating for a while I noticed my whole house smelled like my never worn with socks Chuck T's. Seriously, it was like a dirty hippie used onion deodorant and did P90X in my kitchen. But I pressed on. Against my better judgement. I shouldn't have.

Bowl of dirty sneaker.

At this point a lesser man would have given up. But as I've said in the past, I have an obligation to you our loyal readers and so I scooped up a spoon full and popped it into the ole chili hole. Jesus, what is that...meat? It's like mealy and rubbery simultaneously. How do they do that? It's got some seriously terrible mouth appeal. It's not very hot and it doesn't taste like there's any habanero in it at all. Between this and Newt Gingrich winning my home state, I don't know which has left a worse taste in my mouth tonight. Or looks worse up close.

Newt?

I ate one bite and threw the whole mess out setting a new ALDI record for most intolerable. Seriously, don't buy this unless you hate yourself. I mean hate yourself in a teenage breakup, self mutilating way.

As I'm certain you have figured out by now this Brookdale Hot Habanero Chili gets a resounding I---- for Inedible and ---- for wasting my time.